If I Ran for President...

As you all know, 

I'm not very good at keeping my opinions to myself.

EXCEPT when it comes to politics;

that's a subject I usually stay away from.

However, I saw this link-up on Erin's blog, and couldn't resist.

If I ran for President...

There would be no Welfare.
While it's good in theory,
it seems as though some people depend on it way too much.

There would be no Unemployment.
If I have to work my butt off, you should have to, also.

All student debt would be erased.
I might be an education snob...
but my Papaw always told me
"the one thing that can never be taken away from you,
is your education."
In today's society, you can't put a price on a good education.
Oh wait, financial institutions seem to think they can...

Child Welfare would run on a "2 strikes, you're out policy."
I would go so far as to say that it should be a
1 strike, you're out policy;
however, I've seen kids get taken into custody for things
that could have possibly been an accident.
So, if the kids get taken into custody a second time,
it should be a no-questions asked,
automatic termination of rights.
It's not fair to these kids to bounce in and out of homes;
not to mention, the countless families wanting to adopt...

All illegal immigrants would be deported...
or at least be forced to speak English ONLY.
I don't like wondering if they're talking about me or not.

Punishment would be based on the eye-for-an-eye policy.
If you stab someone, you should be stabbed.
If you rape someone, you should be raped
(and castrated).
If you kill someone, you should be killed.

No cellphones until you can legally drive a car.

No drinking until you're 21.
Oh wait, that's already a law...
I would make sure it was strictly enforced...

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Sunday Confessions

I FINALLY got around to linking up with Alyx 

for Sunday Confessions...

1. I'm well on my way to being a hoarder.

Not in the "I need a tv show to intervene 

and get rid of my crap, 

before condemning my house-kinda way."

More as in the, "I save old products 

in case I want to use them again-kinda way..."

For example, I cleaned out my bathroom drawer:

Hello, my name is Alana 

and I'm a recovering beauty-product hoarder. 

2.  I'm a mascara-holic.

I could/would spend an hour doing my mascara 

if time permitted.

I can't help it--I like them to be long, full, and defined. 

Is that too much to ask?

3.  I'm obsessed with hairbows.

Not hairbows for grown-ups

(personally, I think that's a little weird);

I'm talking about hairbows on little girls!

Here's G's hairbow collection:

In case you can't tell by the picture, 

there's two layers of bows there!

She never leaves the house without a hairbow;

so of course, she has to have one for every outfit!

4.  I'm a selective texter.
I just invented that term,
but I imagine it to be like people who have selective hearing.
If I don't want to talk to you/don't like what you texted me,
I won't respond.
And when you keep sending me texts,
trying to get me to respond,
my patience wears thin.


5.  I'm pretty certain that I could live on pizza and/or cereal.




On another note...
Time is running out for you to claim
your February Button spot!
If you would like to swap with me next month,
 send me a message by TONIGHT! 

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

AWKWARD

McDonald's new size of fries.  
You could definitely call this "snack-size."
I'm thinking this stemmed from all of the people
who claim to have gotten fat by eating McDonald's...

Putting my hands up to a paper towel dispenser,

 expecting it to automatically give me a fresh towel, 

only to realize that it was an old school dispenser 

that makes you work to get a paper towel.

I felt dumb.

Might I add that I had already put my hands 

up to a different paper towel dispenser earlier that day,

 thinking it was a soap dispenser.  

A world without modern conveniences sure does confuse me.

Having a guy blatantly check you out as you walk down the hall.

I mean, full-on-undressing-me-with-his-eyes check out.

He didn't even avert his eyes or blink.

This guy was the epitome of game-less.

I was embarrassed for him. 

This one might be kinda hard to see, but...

apparently my school thinks I'm of Hispanic/Latino ethnicity

and in the "white" race group. 

I have no idea where they got that from, 

but I'm pretty sure I'm a white girl to the core.

(my dance abilities can prove it)

AWESOME

Buying my first pair of skinny jeans (EVER).
I was always too scared to buy/wear skinny jeans
for fear that I'd look like Kim K
(too much junk in the trunk).
But I finally conquered my fear and took the plunge.
I think that I pull them off pretty well:

Meeting Richard Street from The Temptations.
Working for a publishing company, sure has it's perks!!
Richard was very personable and funny, plus he sang for our office...
"My Girl" has never sounded better.
If you don't know who he is/who The Temptations are/
what song I'm talking about, 
allow me to recommend that you get acquainted 
with my good friend, google. 

Being SSSOOOOO close to having 100 followers

I'm not one to beg for friends, but...
Please send some friends my way! haha

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

February Schmebuary

Ladies (and gents)...

In case you haven't realized it, 

February is quickly approaching (much to my dismay).

This means that...

Singles Awareness Day will be upon me soon.

I will consume WAY too much candy.

I will stay off of facebook so that I don't get 

depressed seeing all of the relationship status updates.

Oklahoma will, inevitably, have a snow storm.

I'll finish this quarter of MBA classes and start a new quarter.

AND, the thing y'all might actually care about,

I'll be putting up new sponsor buttons.  

With that being said, I'm going to take all of the buttons down 

this weekend and start fresh; so, if you'd like to swap buttons for February, 

leave me a comment or shoot me an email

with your button, a few sentences about your blog, and a picture.  

I'd LOVE (get it--February is all about love! hehe) 

to swap with you!

Everyone is welcome, even if you swapped with me this month,

but you MUST send me a message! 

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

January Sponsors, Part Three

This is my last (but certainly not least) 

Sponsor Post for January.

I know y'all will love them!

---

First, we have Anna from Owls & Lace.

I've followed Anna's blog for a few months now,

and there's not a day that goes by 

that we're not emailing each other.  

Not only could this girl be Katy Perry's twin, 

but she is also hilarious and very Type A (like me). 

She has an awkwardly awesome obsession with owls
(in case you couldn't figure that out by her blog title).
This girl will not disappoint.

---

Meet the lovely, Miss Mallory

from Pink Kisses & Wishes.  

Mallory was one of the first girls to reach out and 

encourage me.  She has religiously followed my blog for as long 

as I can remember and is never too busy to comment.  

I have really enjoyed watching her blog grow

and I know she's destined for BIG things!

She has a heart of gold and is going to 

change the world with that degree in Social Work!  

Oh and she met her boyfriend at a wedding

(how stinking romantic)!!

---

Sarah, from Simply Sarah, is a girl after my own heart.

Not only is she a Southern girl, but she also loves 

the color pink, the beach, and shopping. 

You would think I had pulled that off of my blog!

Sarah is beautiful on the inside, as well as the outside.

She has THE CUTEST dog ever and 

she is a little obsessed with football. 

---

Has anyone else noticed that Mormons 

always have the cutest blogs?

Valerie, from Taking a Bite out of Life, is no exception!

She's adorable, super stylish, and 

majorly artistic/creative. 

Not to mention, she's my partner for the V-Day Swap

(more on that later).

---

Last, we have Stormy from Life's a Dance.

This lovely lady is a Nurse from Wisconsin

(Is it bad that when I read her blog, 

I read it in a Wisconsin accent? lol).

She is a great storyteller and I can't help but laugh 

at some of her stories from work. 

She loves shoes (like me) and often gets herself 

into trouble with her sarcasm (like me). 

---

Go check these lovely ladies out;

they won't disappoint!  

Also, PLEASE make sure your 

email address is on your profile.  

I like to respond to your comments, 

but can't when you're listed as no-reply : (

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Not-So-Intelligent Blonde Moments...

Mom: "I got J a manly purse!"

Me: "I don't think there is such a thing."

Mom: "Yeah! A Murf!"

Me: "Is that like a Smurf?  I'm assuming you mean a murse..."

Oh how I love my family...



ON ANOTHER NOTE...
Be intelligent and go check out Miss Katie's giveaway!
Or not...
I mean, that gives me more of a chance to win...

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

Awkward

Being invited to a Wedding/Wedding Shower/
Baby Shower via facebook.

Am I not good enough for a snail mail invite?

DECLINE.

Leave it to Podunk, Oklahoma to
spell "SALE" wrong...and upside down...

FAIL

My niece, Laney: "Look what I got for Christmas!"

Me: "I know, I was with your mom when she bought it."

Laney: "This is what Santa brought me!!"

And the worst aunt of the year award goes to...

Getting a text, from a friend, that said:
"Hey, I'll buy your piss."

I thought about agreeing to do it and
taking a Loritab right before I gave the sample
so that she'd fail the drug test anyways
and MAYBE learn her lesson.
But, I decided I'd feel bad...
so I told her no.

Awesome

This sign at my Doctor's office:

My new job!!

My first day was Monday, 

and I LOVE it!

It's so nice to actually enjoy going to work...

Getting my itouch fixed!

I have the 1st Generation itouch and 

for about a year now, it's been telling me I can't 

download anything because my software is outdated.

So...I got the IT guy at work to fix it for FREE.

Finally, I can play Words with Friends again!

Finding the coupon on my floorboard.  

I had a Sonic coupon for a free Route 44,

I've used it multiple times without them asking for it.

Well...I went to Sonic and ordered my drink, 

paid with my debit card and 

realized the coupon wasn't where it used to be.

"CRAP! Hope they don't ask for it."

Low and behold, they did!

I panicked and started frantically looking around my car.

Thank heavens I found it on the floorboard.

I will never lie again.

Too bad that was my last free Route 44 : (

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

January Sponsors, Part Deuce

Miranda was one of my very first blogger friends.

She is so stinkin' funny and honest.

Definitely one of my daily reads!

Hi I'm Miranda and I blog over at Aimless Translation.  I am a stay at home Mom and I live with my husband and my crazy but lovable toddler Mason in Wisconsin.  I love football, food, wine, and TV.  I blog about literally everything going on in my life.  Hope you stop by. :)

---

Katie might possibly be, the cutest thing ever.

Plus she's super sweet and creative!

Go check out her blog AND etsy shop!

Hi everyone!  My name is Katie and and I blog over at for Lauren and Lauren.   I am a wife,  sister, aunt, and teacher who loves Jesus, running, reality tv, shopping, movies, trying new recipes, and making crafts.  In the last year I've acquired a borderline obsession with crafting, pinteresting, trying out new outfits, working on my etsy shop and blog reading.  My blog has become a combination of all these things!  I'm love making new friends in the blogging world!

---

I just recently found Jessica's blog,

but it has quickly become one of my favorites.

"Hi lovelies! My name is Jessica and I am new to the world of blogging. I am in school studying public relations, but my heart is pulling me toward education (elementary specifically), so we’ll see where I end up after I graduate in May. I’m a 20-something just living and learning as I go :) I'm all about picnics, laughing til it hurts, coffee dates, & bike rides. I have a passion for life, and I'm always ready for an adventure! 

I use Lovely Little Things to keep creative no matter how busy I get, to appreciate my life, and to meet other bloggers who inspire me. There really is no limit to what you’ll find on my blog. I like to share recipes that I try, DIY projects, fashion tips, organization ideas, good books I read or music I listen to, my triumphs and failures, fun pictures from my everyday life - anything and everything creative. I hope that by continuing with Lovely Little Things that I will discover lots of fun new things about myself (and the not so fun things, too) so that I can grow as a person, and maybe even inspire one or two people along the way! Come visit and let’s do life together!"

---

Last, but definitely not least, we have Rasha.

Her "Tell Me A Secret Tuesdays" are a must-read! 

Hello Lovlies,

My name is Rasha, pronounced Ray-Sha. I started the blog "And this is what she said", in 2009. It was a private blog and a year later, I opened it to the public and couldn't be happier that I did. I love watching her grown and meeting all the wonderful bloggers that visit. "And this is what she said", is really just all about my life, my small town and my wonderful boyfriend. I do a Tell me a secret Tuesday link up and also movie reviews, but so much more! I would love if you come visit, 

introduce yourself and allow me to come get to know you, 

after all isn't that what blogging is all about? :)

---

Go check these ladies out and show them some love!

Make sure you come back, 

because I still have a few more lovely ladies 

to introduce you to next week!

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Not-So-Intelligent Blonde Moments...

My adorable sister-in-law, Cassie, isn't a natural blonde,
but that doesn't stop her from having blonde moments...

Cassie: "How often is quarterly?  Three times per year?"

Naner (giving her a stupid look): "Uh...4..."

Oh Cassie...

Next time you're in doubt,
think of how many quarters make a dollar.

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Accent Vlog

The instructions are to say these words:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

And answer these questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

Now go record your accent vlog!

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Please Pray for Tripp

I don't know this family personally,

but I have been following Tripp's journey for quite some time.

Before stumbling on Courtney's blog about Tripp, 

I had never heard of this horrible disease.

Courtney is an amazing mother who 

wants nothing more than for her son to be pain free.

I can't even begin to imagine what 

Tripp's family is going through right now.

All I know is that my heart is aching for them.

As my eyes were filling up with tears
from her most recent post, 

I kept wishing that I could do something to help.

All I could come up with
is to get people to send prayers their way...

Please go read her last post and send lots of prayers up for Tripp.

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

Awkward

Sitting on a Milkdud. 

Luckily, I noticed it before I went into public.

I didn't get a picture of it on my boot-ay, 

but I did get a picture of the remains:

Looking at the wrapper while eating my Hot Pocket,

to see this:

I don't know if I like my food hitting on me...

To keep receiving spam mail from Viagra.

Don't think I'll ever be needing that...

ALTHOUGH, there is a girl in my MBA class

who is a drug rep for Cialis.

I may or may not have asked her to bring some 

to class next week so I can put them 

in one of our classmates' drinks.  

I can't help it--he annoys the crap out of me.  

Sounded like a good idea at the time...

To see this while printing pictures:

Last time I checked, 

left and right were the only sides...?

Did I miss the memo that there is a new side,

called "other side?"

Awesome

Being nominated for the Liebster Award
by Emma and Katie.
Thank you, ladies!

Finding old pictures on a disposable camera.

These pictures are over 5 years old and 

I JUST got them developed...FAIL.

The only reason I know when the pictures were taken 

is because it had pictures of my car wreck on it.  

Anyways...I found these lovely pictures of my friend Lisa and me:

Please ignore the double chin--I'm so glad that's gone! ha ha

The "green" strategies used by some companies.

This is the packaging from my itouch screen protector:

Personally, my favorite alternative usages are

"keep your face cool on a hot day" and 

"a sham under a wobbly table leg."

haha. Gotta give the company props--that was creative!

The V-Day Swap I just joined!

Who doesn't love getting presents in the mail?

ESPECIALLY us single ladies who don't get anything 

on Valentine's Day Singles Awareness Day.

Head on over to Fabulous But Evil to sign up now!

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Lana Lately

I hope all of you checked out (and followed) 

my amazing sponsors yesterday! 

I still have two more sponsor posts coming, 

so be on the look out for some more lovely ladies!

I decided to spend today giving you guys a quick update on my life.

If you've been following my blog for awhile, 

you know that I quit my last job at the motorsports dealership
because I didn't like the way I was treated
(sexually harassed and unappreciated).

I have applied at a few jobs, here and there, 

and went for an interview last Friday at a 

Christian Publishing Company,
about 40 minutes from home. 

I could tell the boss liked me, 

but he said he still had a few other applicants to interview.

Well...within an hour he called and offered me the job!

He said I interviewed very well and that he REALLY liked me.

I took the weekend to think about the offer, because

although it's an amazing company
with plenty of room for advancement,

I'd be starting at the bottom of the totem pole 

(which also means bottom of the pay scale).

While I'd normally be okay with this...
because I would be commuting, 

I had to weigh my options.

After much debate, I accepted the offer.

I am very excited to start my new job in the Marketing 
Department at a wonderful, 
Christian Publishing Company. 

Baby C topped 5 pounds! Yay!

However, because Baby C is now up to 5 pounds
and seemingly healthy, the Indian Tribe has decided to step in
and take her into their jurisdiction.

(In Oklahoma, Indian Tribes have their own rules--

same reason we have casinos in Oklahoma). 

So, as soon as a Tribal home is found,
Baby C will be leaving us.

We love them while we have them, then we let them go...

Yesterday was my first day of MBA classes 
for the semester.

My break from homework has, unfortunately, come to an end.

Only 6 more months...only 6 more months...

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

January Sponsors

Have you checked out my sponsors yet?

If your answer was no--shame on you! 

Today, I'm going to spotlight a few of those lovely ladies.
Be sure to show them some love!

---

Ashley is one of my best blogger friends (bbf)!

Even though her husband thinks I'm invisible...

Not only is she awesome (and laughs at all of my jokes), 

but she lives ON the ocean.  Fan-freaking-tastic for her. 

Seriously though, I'm living vicariously through her 

and I think you should, too! 

I'm Ashley from Sweet Tea in Sicily. I'm a newlywed from the deep south that was uprooted and shipped off to Sicily, Italy after a whirlwind romance and marrying my soulmate, Aaron, who is in the U.S. Navy. I'm just your typical stay at home wife (read: trophy wife), blogging about my wonderful marriage and adventures of every day life... cooking, cleaning, laying out on the dock, sipping amazing Italian wine, trying to blend in with the Sicilians (and failing miserably), traveling the world, making mistakes, laughing at myself, sharing memories, making lists, caring for my amazing hubster, missing my loved ones (& puppy!), and making memories along the way. Come and follow along as I share my stories and adventures of Sweet Tea in Sicily.

---

Katie was one of my first blogger friends
and she is one of the sweetest girls, ever! 
She writes about her life in a way that makes 
you feel like you're standing right beside her.
I'm patiently waiting for her to get her diamond : )

Hey there! My name is Katie and I blog at His Diamond & Mine. My blog is all about my life, as a college baseball girlfriend and college senior. I love documenting my health/diet kicks, trips across the U.S., and daily adventures. I am obsessed with organization, completing my closet with online shopping sprees, and country music. Stop on by His Diamond & Mine, the MY diamond is coming soon ;)

---

Amanda is an awesome blogger!

At "For Love of a Cupcake," you can find anything 

from posts about her adorable dog 

to motivational posts that are guaranteed 

to make you want to get off that booty!

Hi! I'm Amanda...and I blog over at For Love of a Cupcake! You will find many random things at my blog! I'm addicted to exclamation points, Starbucks coffee, and baking! E (my fiancé) and I have cute pup named Chloe so you'll be bombarded with tons of photos of her! I have recently become obsessed with beards...ever since E started growing one! Hope you'll stop by!

---

The next fabulous blogger, Amber, is a fellow Oklahoman.

I actually used to go to college and church with her! 

She is a wonderful, Christian woman and such an inspiration to me.

You can see her love for God in everything she writes. 

Oh, and she is SUPER creative, too!

My name is Amber from over at The Pless Press. I am a newlywed who is just trying to find her way through cooking, crafting, and becoming the best wife I can be. I strive everyday to live my life to the fullest and to share my love of the Lord with others. I would love to have you stop by!

---

I just recently found Lindsay's blog, 

but it has quickly become one of my favorites!

Who doesn't love a gorgeous, Southern girl?

Hey There! So first a quick thanks to the awesome Alana for having me on this Sponsor Swap. This is my first time so please go easy on me! My name is Lindsay, pleased to meet you!  I'm from the good 'ol southern state of Georgia and am in love with life. I am extremely family oriented, graduated last year, landed and am working my first big girl job, am in my first apartment, and learning to live an awesome life on a budget. Whew. I know I know, alot to take in. But I would just LOVE the chance to meet you. You can find me at Lindsay Nicole where I put in a little bit of everything. Hope to see you soon!

---

Now hurry on over to these lovely blogs 

and show them some love!

I still have several more bloggers to feature this month, 

but if you're one of those students who likes to 

read BEFORE class, click on their buttons 

(on the right side of my blog)!

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Lana's Rules of Dating

While reading Miss Chelsea's Rules of Dating, 

I not only found myself agreeing with everything,

but I found myself wanting to write my rules on paper down.
I decided to take it a step further...
what better way to compose rules of dating
than by getting input from one of your exes?
That's right ladies and gents, the following rules were co-written!
(and only a few of these rules were based off of each other)

So here it goes:

1. Do not ask me to go out the day before the date.
And preferably, don't ask me via text.

2.  Have plans.
DO NOT ask me what I want to do/where I want to eat.
I'm an outspoken person and never fail to tell people what I think,
but I WILL find something to eat on the menu no matter where we go.
Seriously...I hate Japanese/Chinese (is there really a difference?),
but I will take one for the team and eat rat-on-a-stick if need be.
And "hanging out" doesn't count as plans.
I "hang out" with my guy friends, ie..."hanging out" is not a date.

3.  Do not cancel our date the day of the date.
I don't care if your grandma died,
she CLEARLY isn't going anywhere....
she'll still be dead after our date!
haha jk.  If there is a REAL emergency,
canceling the date is acceptable.
Yo momma calling and wanting to do dinner
is NOT an emergency or an acceptable reason.

4.  Open doors.
All doors.
Including my car door.
I have been known to make this difficult for the guys 
by reaching for the door myself (independent woman for ya ha ha), 
but I at least want to see your effort. 

5.  Do not answer your phone/text while on our date.
If you check your phone more than twice an hour,
I will "spill" my water, submerging your phone in water,
or refuse a second date (depending on how cute you are).
Not only is it rude, but it makes me feel
like you'd rather be anywhere than out with me.

6.  Do not talk about your exes.
You're on a date with me for a reason.
Don't tell me how long you were with your ex
or what you did with them, because frankly, I don't care.

7.  Serious talk is forbidden.
At least until we've been dating for awhile.
Stay away from the "L" word, until you REALLY mean it--I'm not 15,
I won't believe that you are in love with me and let you in my pants.
Chantz goes so far as to say that marriage and kids should not come up,
(or any future plans, for that matter) beyond the realm of plans for the week.
He's not a commitment-phobe or anything...

8.  Do not talk about intimacy.
Sex should not be brought up until AT LEAST date #3.
Don't tell me your number, or your turn ons.
If you bring it up, I will assume you're a whore, just lookin for some action.
Sidenote: Just because you bring it up, DOES NOT mean you'll be gettin any.
If you know me at all, you'll know I want that ring, first!

9.  If I comment that some dessert looks amazing, 
take the hint.
I want the dessert but won't order it for fear that you'll think I'm a cow.
Order it for me.

10.  When I offer to pay, REFUSE my offer.
While I am an independent woman and
perfectly capable of buying my own dinner,
be a gentleman and pick up the tab.
If you let me pay my part, I'll put you in the friend zone forevermore.

11.  Follow-up.
After the date, send me a text/call me
and let me know you enjoyed it and want to do it again.
Otherwise I'm going to assume you're gay.

12. Do not make it facebook official after our first date.
That is creeper status right there.
One date DOES NOT mean we are exclusive, by any means.
Furthermore, do not use facebook to make it official.
I want you to ask me to be your girlfriend. IN PERSON.
For the record, I am anti-facebook relationship statuses;
I just don't like people bein all up in my business....

*I just remembered this one and edited the original post to include it:
13. Do not talk about money.
Or balance your checkbook while on a date with me.
This includes calling your mother to have
her check your account balance online.
If you're THAT worried about your money,
go home and eat your Ramen Noodles...ALONE.

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

Awkward:

Doing my nightly workout routine and looking around to realize 

that I don't recognize ANY of the other people working out.

That's right...the gym was full of Resolutioners, 
slowly dying on the treadmills.

Kudos to you for making lifestyle changes,
but heed my warning:

If you mess up my workout routine 
or "forget" to sterilize the machines after you use them (again), 

I WILL trip you while you're "running" on the treadmill. 

Nobody wants to touch the equipment after it has been
desecrated by your bodily juices. 

Thank you and good luck with your resolutions : )

This sign that I saw at the Clinic.

Specifically, the frequent urination and weight loss pictures...

The guy I saw at Walmart.
He was dressed in head-to-toe camouflage.
Being from the South, this is a fairly normal sight;
however, this camo wasn't hunting apparel--it was LOUNGEwear.
Camo hat, camo sweatshirt, camo sweat pants,
and camo house shoes.
What was Camo Man doing in Walmart?
Buying beer.
I tried to get a picture of him, but he walked away too fast.
Maybe he went to find Camo wife...


The random email I got the other day.
Warning: if you don't like disturbingly gross things, skip on down to Awesome!

It's way too long to post the whole thing, but it started out like this:
"BABE...I guess your not getting any of my email huh? In case u dont know who this is its ME ADRIANA...we used to chat a bit of facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha."
And ended like this:
"im hoping to see u in my chat room...remember its 100% free with this code im gonna give u...just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS  INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN I SEE U hahahahahahahahahaha....k babe im out...kisses xoxo."

Umm...WTF?!

First of all, if this was a legit email (not a scam),
I could understand why this guy would have
deleted "Adriana" from facebook.
I mean, sister doesn't know how to use punctuation and is
CLEARLY a...for lack of better word...whore bag.
Second of all, who in their right mind would actually
believe this crap and click on the link?!
Finally, I guess this is the kind of junk mail you get
when you have your email address on your blog.

Awesome:

Effective Marketing...

I mean, it made me want to stop and
check out the mechanic get my oil changed...


PINK ambulances

It's hard to tell, but that is a pastel pink ambulance!
If I ever get into an accident (knock on wood)
and need an ambulance, I hope I get a pink one!!


Losing at least TWO sizes
Lately, I have been working my butt off (literally).
I joined the gym a few months ago hoping to tone up
and lose a few pounds.
Little did I know I would lose TWO sizes
in a relatively short amount of time.
The downside to this?
(almost making it an awkward instead of an awesome)...
I've lost all of the weight from my butt and thighs.
My ghetto booty is slowly disappearing;
pretty soon, I'll be slipping out of chairs.

See for yourself:
These are the Silver jeans I bought in November
(which were a size down from what I was wearing last summer)...

They are seriously sagging.
I officially have a saggy butt when wearing the jeans.


These tiny little fingers...

It is just so awesome, to me,
that this little bundle of joy
(who wasn't even supposed to be born until today)
is perfectly healthy.  She is such a blessing to me.
Cheers to being 2 months old and almost 5 pounds!
In the two weeks we have had her, she has gained 14 ounces...
who have thought I'd be so happy about weight gain?!

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde