Lana's Rules of Dating

While reading Miss Chelsea's Rules of Dating, 

I not only found myself agreeing with everything,

but I found myself wanting to write my rules on paper down.
I decided to take it a step further...
what better way to compose rules of dating
than by getting input from one of your exes?
That's right ladies and gents, the following rules were co-written!
(and only a few of these rules were based off of each other)

So here it goes:

1. Do not ask me to go out the day before the date.
And preferably, don't ask me via text.

2.  Have plans.
DO NOT ask me what I want to do/where I want to eat.
I'm an outspoken person and never fail to tell people what I think,
but I WILL find something to eat on the menu no matter where we go.
Seriously...I hate Japanese/Chinese (is there really a difference?),
but I will take one for the team and eat rat-on-a-stick if need be.
And "hanging out" doesn't count as plans.
I "hang out" with my guy friends, ie..."hanging out" is not a date.

3.  Do not cancel our date the day of the date.
I don't care if your grandma died,
she CLEARLY isn't going anywhere....
she'll still be dead after our date!
haha jk.  If there is a REAL emergency,
canceling the date is acceptable.
Yo momma calling and wanting to do dinner
is NOT an emergency or an acceptable reason.

4.  Open doors.
All doors.
Including my car door.
I have been known to make this difficult for the guys 
by reaching for the door myself (independent woman for ya ha ha), 
but I at least want to see your effort. 

5.  Do not answer your phone/text while on our date.
If you check your phone more than twice an hour,
I will "spill" my water, submerging your phone in water,
or refuse a second date (depending on how cute you are).
Not only is it rude, but it makes me feel
like you'd rather be anywhere than out with me.

6.  Do not talk about your exes.
You're on a date with me for a reason.
Don't tell me how long you were with your ex
or what you did with them, because frankly, I don't care.

7.  Serious talk is forbidden.
At least until we've been dating for awhile.
Stay away from the "L" word, until you REALLY mean it--I'm not 15,
I won't believe that you are in love with me and let you in my pants.
Chantz goes so far as to say that marriage and kids should not come up,
(or any future plans, for that matter) beyond the realm of plans for the week.
He's not a commitment-phobe or anything...

8.  Do not talk about intimacy.
Sex should not be brought up until AT LEAST date #3.
Don't tell me your number, or your turn ons.
If you bring it up, I will assume you're a whore, just lookin for some action.
Sidenote: Just because you bring it up, DOES NOT mean you'll be gettin any.
If you know me at all, you'll know I want that ring, first!

9.  If I comment that some dessert looks amazing, 
take the hint.
I want the dessert but won't order it for fear that you'll think I'm a cow.
Order it for me.

10.  When I offer to pay, REFUSE my offer.
While I am an independent woman and
perfectly capable of buying my own dinner,
be a gentleman and pick up the tab.
If you let me pay my part, I'll put you in the friend zone forevermore.

11.  Follow-up.
After the date, send me a text/call me
and let me know you enjoyed it and want to do it again.
Otherwise I'm going to assume you're gay.

12. Do not make it facebook official after our first date.
That is creeper status right there.
One date DOES NOT mean we are exclusive, by any means.
Furthermore, do not use facebook to make it official.
I want you to ask me to be your girlfriend. IN PERSON.
For the record, I am anti-facebook relationship statuses;
I just don't like people bein all up in my business....

*I just remembered this one and edited the original post to include it:
13. Do not talk about money.
Or balance your checkbook while on a date with me.
This includes calling your mother to have
her check your account balance online.
If you're THAT worried about your money,
go home and eat your Ramen Noodles...ALONE.

Until next time, 

The Intelligent Blonde