Thursday, August 12, 2010

"'Cause Earl Had To Die"

I have 3/4 of my vacation pictures on my computer, waiting to be uploaded.  
However, I used a disposable water camera for the water falls, river tubing, and blue hole (the best pictures, if you ask me); so I am not-so-patiently awaiting their development.  

I hate to upload the pictures at different times, but people keep begging to see I'll prolly cave and upload them. ha ha.  

Because you, my faithful readers, are my favorite people, I will give you a sneak peak of my never-before seen pictures...

Such a beautiful view from my balcony :)

Okay, now it's story time! ha ha

1. On the very first day, I got stung by a jellyfish...three times.  It hurt SO stinkin bad and I couldn't exactly pee on my arm, so I was forced to go to the nurse.  (btw, the Jamaicans were impressed that I knew pee would take away the sting...thank you "Friends" for teaching me random, stupid knowledge--I knew I watched you for some reason). ha ha

2.  One of the locals, Earl (the reason for the title of my blog), taught us how to tell time by looking at the placement of the sun--I felt so smart! ha ha.  He then took us snorkeling and asked us if we were Mary's (see my explanation for this question on number 5).  

3.  We went parasailing and almost got kidnapped while on the boat.  One of the creepy guys looked me up and down and said "I like what I see, is that a bad thing?"  I quickly responded with "Yes, I have a boyfriend back home." To which he replied, "why bring sand to the beach? You come with me tonight and have fun."  I just awkwardly laughed and started weighing my escape options--shark infested waters suddenly looked VERY appealing. lol. Needless to say, as soon as we reached land, I ran. ha ha

4. We met Miles (his real name was Oneil, but we renamed him), who took us to the Dunns River Falls, river tubing, and the Cool Blue Hole.  He normally doesn't swim with the tourists, but with my persuasion he got in with us :).  Then his creepy "cousin" showed up and started following me around saying he liked me...

5.  While on the tour at the Falls, one of the tour guides also told me he liked me and wanted to take me away (which, in Jamaican lingo, means he wants to "have me" ha ha).  Miles called men like this "gigolos" ha ha.  He then proceeded to follow me around and try to convince me to give him a chance.  When I wouldn't, he called me rude. haha. Go figure.  While waiting on Miles to come pick me up, a drunk Jamaican came up to me and said to Lisa, "I like yo friend.  What her name, Mary?" ha ha. Apparently, if you look innocent, they call you Mary (referring to the Virgin Mary).  I couldn't seem to get rid of him, so Lisa, being her brilliant self, called the stalkerish tour guide back over so the guy would leave. UGH! ha ha. I just sat there praying Miles would come back

6.  You can haggle Jamaican salesmen down to practically nothing!  They say $30, you say $10--you eventually will win. ha ha

7.   FACT: the Jamaicans do follow you around and drive you crazy trying to get you to purchase stuff
MYTH: Jamaicans do not constantly try to sell you drugs--I was followed by at least 15 salesmen and was never offered drugs.
FACT: Marijuana is widely accepted there--I picked up a little container with spikes in it and asked "what's this?"  They looked at me like I was stupid and said it's a grinder for marijuana. ha ha.  Shows how much I

8.  I am perfectly content laying on a beach, reading a book ALL DAY.  Too bad I didn't get to do that...

9.  If you didn't already put the pieces together, Jamaicans creepishly love me.  Blonde headed, blue-eyed, skinny, white girls are their favorites.  If I ever go back, I will dye my hair first. ha ha.  If one more guy told me he was going to "take me away" I would have cried. lol.  And when they check you out, it's nothing like guys here in the States--it's no casual glance, it's a full on STARE. ha ha

10.  BTW, my butt looks like one of those baby butt sunscreen ads. lol.  I have a tanned straight line right above my vertical smile. TMI? Judge for yourselves ;)

Overall, I would recommend Ocho Rios, Jamaica to everyone--I had an absolute blast! Although I would have felt much better if a non-imaginary boyfriend had been with me to protect me. lol

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

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