Saturday, December 31, 2011

It's time to bid adieu to 2011

I've had a rather boring year, so I won't bore you with every detail...

I started life post-college.

I went to Mexico with a guy who now hates my guts.

I held a crocodile/alligator.  
I have no idea what the difference is, and don't care.
I HATE reptiles. 

I rode in a submarine.

I took a mind numbingly boring job at a Bank, 
where I got paid to not use my brain.

I quit the job at the Bank, 
in hopes that I still had brain cells left.

A job at the Motorsports Dealership fell into my lap.
I fell in love with my job.

I FINALLY traded in my Taurus and got a Jeep.

I scored some amazing tickets to a baseball game 
(on my birthday).

I did a radio interview.

I started my MBA.

I went to New York City again. 

I joined a gym.

I went skydiving again.

I quit my job at the dealership.
I loved the job;
however, I didn't love the way I was treated.

I went to San Francisco for surgery.

We had seven foster kids come through our home this year
(and still have three of them).

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Awkward & Awesome Thursday


Sitting down on a toilet seat only to discover it's wet.
Then the inevitable thoughts of whether it was pee or water...

When people I've known my whole life 
pronounce my name wrong.
It's not that big of a deal when strangers do it,
but if you've known me for more than a day,
you should know how to say it.
It's not that hard--sound it out.
Alana = Uh lan uh
Or Atlanta without the t's.
If you're still having trouble,
do what most of my family/friends do:
 drop the first "A," and call me Lana.

When the people who pronounce my name wrong
find out that they've been saying it wrong.
I rarely correct people, but it drives my friends/family crazy.
They will call you out on it and might will make you feel dumb.
My old roommate still talks about the time my mom corrected her.

When you think you recognize someone at the gym 
and do a double take
only to realize that it wasn't who you thought it was
and the guy (who you don't know) now thinks you were checking him out.

People who stare at themselves 
in the mirror while working out.
I've heard the excuse that it helps with form, blah, blah, blah...
I think it's just weird.
If you're that vain that you have to stare at yourself
all of the time, then you probably crap gold,
and don't let anything unhealthy pass your lips. don't need to be working out.


The fact that the surgeon let G wear her bow 
through surgery (to lance her eye).
We sent her in with it on, expecting them to make us take it off, 
and much to our surprise, she came out with it on!
I guess the surgeon understands the necessity of a bow.

This was a picture post-lancing.
Imagine how bad it looked before it was lanced...

"Assholes Finish First"
This is Tucker Max's second book.
I'm only 100 pages in and have died laughing many, many times.
It might prove to be better than
"I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell."
Go download/buy them now!
You won't regret it...unless you get offended easily.

Being right.
My ex (the one who was dating the teenager)
has decided he's going to write a book and include a section on
"reasons not to date a teenager."
The following is an excerpt:
Here’s just a small example: my ex had major heart surgery, 
I had a swollen gal bladder, we both barely said 2 words 
regarding our procedures besides being sore. 
Teenager (via text):  “ :( I feel like I'm dying, my nose is all stuffy, 
I just wanna stay in bed, I feel so so bad, I hurt all over” 
Me: "Well Then Take Some F@#$*ing (edited for content) 
Medicine, its just a runny nose.""
Can I get an Amen to that "I told you so?"

Baby C
That little (4lb 8oz to be exact) bundle of joy is so awesome.
I am already way too attached.
She is literally the perfect baby--
the only time you hear from her is when she's wet or hungry. 
Although, I do have to feed her every 2 1/2 hours (even during the night)...

Receiving the Versatile Blogger award from Sarah and Whitney.
You girls are too sweet for words!
If you don't already follow their blogs, shame on you!
Seriously though, go check them out. NOW. 

Guest blogging over here.

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Headband Bomber

Did I ever tell ya'll about the time TSA 
thought my headband was a threat to national security?

I had just bought one of those stretchy cotton headbands from H&M 
and was so excited to wear it, since it wasn't too tight on my head
and therefore, wouldn't give me a headache.
I thought, "this headband will be great to travel in because it's so comfortable."
Little did I know, TSA would disagree.

I had taken my belt and shoes off and was ready to walk through the metal detectors 
when I noticed the Security Guard motioning towards my head.  
I gave her a dumb look and quickly took off my headband
(even though you could clearly see it was cotton and contained NO metal).
I placed it in my plastic tub and walked through the detector. 

Much to my surprise, when I looked for my headband in the tub,
it wasn't there!
I looked around on the floor and couldn't find it, 
so I asked one of the workers to look for it on the floor, under the metal detector.
He GLANCED over towards the machine and said
"I don't see it."
I just paid 4 bucks for that headband and because 
ya'll thought it was a threat to national security,
I had to take it off, therefore losing it in the freakin metal detector?

While I'm happy they go to such extremes to protect us,
they are going a little overboard with their stupid rules.

Needless to say, I was irate...
I pouted about it all day.

You have no idea how badly I wanted to send an angry email to that Airline...

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Wonderful Christmas Time

Here are a few pictures from Christmas... 
(in case you haven't gotten your fill from other blogs)

All of my loot--clearly, I was a good girl this year! 

My favorite gifts?
Coach umbrella, the little blue box, the white coat, 
and the iHome. 

In case ya'll are dying to know what was inside 
that little blue box, 
the next few pictures are just for you...

Isn't it gorgeous?! 

What family gathering would be complete without a little 
rough housing, or in this case, shooting guns...

*I assure you, I have shot a gun before...
just not that particular one.
I think Naner was more scared than I was...

Family picture!
Considering how difficult it is to get us all together and smiling,
this turned out to be a great picture!
Kudos, Cassie!

These are my beautiful nieces and nephew.
Watching them take pictures sure reminds me of my brothers and me. 

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas;
I can't wait to read all of your posts!!
(and see what presents you got)

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Not-So-Intelligent Blonde Moments...

My gift to you:
a Christmas inspired, awkward blonde moment, 
for your enjoyment...

After G & J opened their presents, 
they decided to start fighting over them (of course).
The toys they were fighting over were a stuffed elephant and a ball machine.

Me: "J, leave G's elephant alone--go play with your balls."
Undoubtedly, uncontrollable laughter ensued. 

At our house, no holiday is complete without an awkward blonde moment.
Hope your Christmas is as merry and awkward as ours! 
Happy Holidays, ya'll!

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Awkward & Awesome Thursday


When I catch people looking at my chest
(thinking I had open heart surgery).
When people tell me they find themselves 
looking for bandages/scars from surgery.
When people stare at the incision site on my neck.
No, it's not a hickey--
it's where they ripped a freakin catheter out of my jugular! lol

Seeing a lady walking around the store with fur around her neck.
Oh wait, that wasn't fur, it was a MONKEY!
At least the monkey had a leash and diaper on...
I tried to get a picture for ya'll, but couldn't be discreet enough.
Is it bad that I wanted to monkeynap him and take him home with me?
I've always thought it would be cool to have a pet monkey.

When did "Alaskan Native" become a race?
Does that mean my race is Oklahoman Native...?
I think I'll stick with Caucasian. ha ha


Our new 2 month old foster baby (we'll call her C).
We picked her up from the hospital last night,
weighing in at a whopping 4 pounds!
She was born, weighing about a pound and a half, at 29 weeks.
She is precious, but soooo tiny...

All of my new followers!
Ya'll are great!
If I haven't made it over to your blog yet,
I promise I will soon (I've been a little busy with C).

My only "official" male follower.
Love you, Brian!
You better keep reading and giving feedback!

Christmas is only a few days away!!
That means, soon, ya'll will get to see what's in that little blue bag from Tiffany's.

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

It's the little things in life...

Like making straight A's

Course TitleMidterm
Course DescriptionCreditRoomDays

MKTG-5703-10AMrktng Mngmnt and Innovation3.00T

MGMT-5603-92AEthics,Decision Making,Comm3.00

ACCT-5103-04AAccounting Analysis & Control3.00HBC107M

BUSA-5213-93ALegal and Regulatory Issues3.00

Term GPA: 4.00

Painting toenails with G


Doing last minute Christmas shopping 
with one of my Sister-in-laws

What little things make you happy?

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Not-So-Lucky Charms

I HATE the leftover sugar at the bottom of a cereal box.
I try to avoid letting it fall into my cereal.

So imagine how disgusted I was to see this fall into my bowl of cereal the other day...

Until next time,
The Intelligent Blonde

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

As most of you know, this is a regular series on my blog
(although, due to recent events, I haven't posted one in a couple weeks).
For those of you who don't know about the series,
let me just tell ya...
Awkward & Awesome Thursdays are the best!


What did my ex-boyfriend buy his new girlfriend for Christmas?
A pillow pet.
I am, by no means, exaggerating.
If your girlfriend wants a pillow pet for Christmas, 
she might be is too young for you.

Update:  She dumped him.
I offered to regift the pillow pet to one of the kids I used to babysit.

Sitting next to stinky people/awkward sleepers on airplanes.
I mean really, did you not think it was necessary to shower the night before you hopped on a plane?
And is it necessary to sleep with your mouth open?
Just so you know...
if you sleep like this, odds are, the person next to you will take a picture of you while you're asleep...

Please notice that the guy across from us is asleep in the same position.

I was going to put my hand on his leg, but couldn't bring myself to do it. lol

This might be a little TMI, but it's my blog and I'll give TMI if I want to...
Going to the OBGYN.
I've been going for years and it doesn't get any less awkward.
I know you agree with me.

G's new phrase: "shake your booty"
This would have fallen into the awesome category because of it's cuteness,
until she came up to me and spanked my butt and told me to
"shake my booty."

Getting a text from a friend, telling me 
that one of my other ex-boyfriends is expecting his first baby.
Umm...thanks for the update? 
Hope his wife enjoys carrying her cheating, lying, no-good husband's baby.

I've decided that the reason there are so many older, 
married men in my MBA classes is because they're unhappily married 
and class is their escape from their wives.

Girls, while this theory is still in the research stages, 
I have some valid evidence to support the theory:
1.  The guys discuss going to cougar dens
2.  They talk about their "funerals"
3.  They discuss the hotness of the girls in our class and their breast sizes
4.  One of them may have tried to send me inappropriate messages...which is awkward in and of itself 

Too bad foreign guys and married men aren't my type, 
because the MBA Program would have been the perfect place for me to find one!
Good thing I have morals and no desire to be a home-wrecker...


The two jobs I'm currently applying for--
if I get one of them, I'll be ecstatic!

One of my old friends from college decided that he wanted to buy G and J gifts for Christmas 
(since they're foster kids and not used to getting much).  
So, him and some of his friends
(several of whom had never met me)
went shopping and spent a TON of money on the kids.
It was so cute to see the kids all excited to open their presents.
It seriously, warmed my heart.

Pizza dough.
I am probably the only person in the entire world who likes eating pizza dough...
but just so you know, the "just add water" packages are AWESOME! 

No longer fitting my Silver capris that I bought this summer.
While those were expensive jeans, 
it is awesome that they are now too big for me!

Infinity scarves.
Don't you just love them?!

Thrift Store shopping in San Francisco.
I know, it's sad that of all the things I could have been doing in San Fran, 
I was thrift store shopping...
but I found some great stuff!

Naner's (my brother) new job perks.
It's hard to explain, but from what I understand, 
he works for a gold storage/insurance company...?
Anyways, that's irrelevant, 
the point of the story is that he has a private jet and a secondary office in Trump Towers!

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Achy Breaky Heart

I finally got around to posting the pictures 
from my trip to San Francisco (to fix my broken heart). 

View from our hotel balcony

Garden area at our hotel

Like my Vanna White pose?

Have I mentioned I LOVE the beach?
No matter how cold it might be...

View from atop Twin Peaks

Recognize the third house from the right?
That's the "Full House" house!!


These were the bars from one of the escape attempts.
(please ignore my crazy face)

Lombard Street
(crookedest street in the World)

Sea Lions at Pier 39.
They were so cute!

Oh ya know...just gettin my fortune...
It's critical before you have surgery!

Pearl Ceremony!

This was the coolest thing!
You pay $14 for the oyster (which is guaranteed to have a pearl),
then you can either take the pearl the way it is 
or make it into a piece of jewelry.

My original pearl was the silver one,
but I really wanted a pink one...
So my mom got one too; 
she ended up with a white pearl that had a pink-ish tint 
(close enough to pink for me).
Then the lady gave us one for free!
So I ended up with a pink-ish pearl ring,
a silver pearl necklace
and a white pearl in a cage (to go on a necklace).

View of Alcatraz from the Pier.

Trolly ride!

In case you didn't know, 
Ghiradelli chocolate is made in San Francisco!
So, even though I hate chocolate, I had to get some "authentic" Ghiradelli.

Cable car station

I didn't take any pictures at the hospital, 
or during/after surgery because I didn't figure you'd be interested in seeing those.
Lord knows, I'd be happy to never see that again!

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde