Saturday, January 7, 2012

Lana's Rules of Dating

I not only found myself agreeing with everything,
but I found myself wanting to write my rules on paper down.
I decided to take it a step further...
what better way to compose rules of dating
than by getting input from one of your exes?
That's right ladies and gents, the following rules were co-written!
(and only a few of these rules were based off of each other)
So here it goes:

1. Do not ask me to go out the day before the date.
And preferably, don't ask me via text.

2.  Have plans.
DO NOT ask me what I want to do/where I want to eat.
I'm an outspoken person and never fail to tell people what I think,
but I WILL find something to eat on the menu no matter where we go.
Seriously...I hate Japanese/Chinese (is there really a difference?),
but I will take one for the team and eat rat-on-a-stick if need be.
And "hanging out" doesn't count as plans.
I "hang out" with my guy friends, ie..."hanging out" is not a date.

3.  Do not cancel our date the day of the date.
I don't care if your grandma died,
she CLEARLY isn't going anywhere....
she'll still be dead after our date!
haha jk.  If there is a REAL emergency,
canceling the date is acceptable.
Yo momma calling and wanting to do dinner
is NOT an emergency or an acceptable reason.

4.  Open doors.
All doors.
Including my car door.
I have been known to make this difficult for the guys 
by reaching for the door myself (independent woman for ya ha ha), 
but I at least want to see your effort. 

5.  Do not answer your phone/text while on our date.
If you check your phone more than twice an hour,
I will "spill" my water, submerging your phone in water,
or refuse a second date (depending on how cute you are).
Not only is it rude, but it makes me feel
like you'd rather be anywhere than out with me.

6.  Do not talk about your exes.
You're on a date with me for a reason.
Don't tell me how long you were with your ex
or what you did with them, because frankly, I don't care.

7.  Serious talk is forbidden.
At least until we've been dating for awhile.
Stay away from the "L" word, until you REALLY mean it--I'm not 15,
I won't believe that you are in love with me and let you in my pants.
Chantz goes so far as to say that marriage and kids should not come up,
(or any future plans, for that matter) beyond the realm of plans for the week.
He's not a commitment-phobe or anything...

8.  Do not talk about intimacy.
Sex should not be brought up until AT LEAST date #3.
Don't tell me your number, or your turn ons.
If you bring it up, I will assume you're a whore, just lookin for some action.
Sidenote: Just because you bring it up, DOES NOT mean you'll be gettin any.
If you know me at all, you'll know I want that ring, first!

9.  If I comment that some dessert looks amazing, 
take the hint.
I want the dessert but won't order it for fear that you'll think I'm a cow.
Order it for me.

10.  When I offer to pay, REFUSE my offer.
While I am an independent woman and
perfectly capable of buying my own dinner,
be a gentleman and pick up the tab.
If you let me pay my part, I'll put you in the friend zone forevermore.

11.  Follow-up.
After the date, send me a text/call me
and let me know you enjoyed it and want to do it again.
Otherwise I'm going to assume you're gay.

12. Do not make it facebook official after our first date.
That is creeper status right there.
One date DOES NOT mean we are exclusive, by any means.
Furthermore, do not use facebook to make it official.
I want you to ask me to be your girlfriend. IN PERSON.
For the record, I am anti-facebook relationship statuses;
I just don't like people bein all up in my business....

*I just remembered this one and edited the original post to include it:
13. Do not talk about money.
Or balance your checkbook while on a date with me.
This includes calling your mother to have
her check your account balance online.
If you're THAT worried about your money,
go home and eat your Ramen Noodles...ALONE.

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde


  1. I would have to say I am right there with you on all of the above.

    and double as much on the facebook. I really don't understand why it is anyones business or why someone feels the need to post every detail about a relationship on facebook. (cause no one cares)

  2. This post made me laugh! I totally agree with your entire list.

    I remember a few dud dates, including a guy who talked about his need for prescription anti-depressants!

    BTW, cute blog! I just found it from Jessica's blog and I am adding it to my list of daily reads!


  3. Great post...totally made me laugh. Love how you'd spill your water...

  4. Bahaha, these had me laughing out loud.
    And the one about the door opening - so true (although I tend to do the same thing as you).
    And the phone! OHMYGOSH. Seriously. If you go on a date with me (okay, this is all in the past cuz I'm married, but whatever) and you check your phone at all (unless it's to ignore a call/text or check the time), it's pretty much a dealbreaker. Unless, you know... we're exclusively dating and have been for quite a while. But even then, I still get annoyed with the husband if he checks his phone a lot while we're out.
    Rant over

  5. Haha oh my gosh. Those seriously made me laugh. Yes, I am an old married lady now..but back in the day (ha) I could have used those rules!


  6. I am seriously cracking up right now! You are so funny girl! I especially like the last one, if someone did that to me I would think they were way too obsessed with social media and a clinger!!

  7. These are such good rules!! And I'm not gonna lie, I've been with my boyfriend for 6+ years, and I think he should read these because some of them are things that shouldn't be forgotten even after you are officially a couple!

  8. This post is perfect and I love your new layout!

    I just hate it when people ask me where I want to go. There is nothing sexier than a guy taking the time to plan a date with you in mind.

  9. I just found your blog and I love it! I'm your newest follower and I'd love to swap buttons. Happy Sunday! Xoxo

  10. I LOVE these rules! Sooo true!


  11. I have never heard "rat on a stick" before but that is hilarious. And kinda true. Love these rules! I would totally turn someone down if they dare ask me out via text. And they BETTER have plans haha!

  12. I just noticed that you're an MBA student! Do you love it? That's what I'd like to do when I'm older!

  13. Those sure are a looooot of rules!


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