Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Life Lessons From Class, Edition 1

One of my teachers is off the wall--some of the things he says are so offensive, but he always proves to be funny.  Every class period I leave with some odd life lessons, so I've decided to start sharing them.  Be expecting them on Wednesday nights or Thursdays (depending upon if he says anything of greatness and if I remember to post).  

NOTE:  These lessons do not necessarily reflect my views and/or beliefs--they are straight from my teacher's mouth, and have not been edited to reflect my opinions.  

Hope you enjoy them!

1.  Arbitrations are not a good idea--they leave you owing $35,000 to suited men with alligator boots, in Chicago
2.  Don't rob a bank.  If you want to rob something, rob a convenience store because you can still get away with large amounts of money, without committing a federal offense.  
3.  Pack heat at all times.  Every Oklahoman should possess a concealed weapon license and "pack heat" at all times.  You have a right to defend yourself and your property.  If someone comes to your door yelling at you for messing around with his girlfriend, "pop a cap in his ass."  And make sure to buy your gun NOW, before Obama takes them all away.  You especially need your gun if you frequent Club Rodeo.  
4.  Americans have a right to burn the Qur'an on September 11th, just like Middle Easterners have a right to burn our flag.  
5.  Party while you're young and live it up.  
6.  Your future wife has family members who she will "forget to mention" until after you marry her.  These family members will make you question your marriage...and your wife.
7.  The best way to steal money is through embezzlement.  Sometimes you can get away with stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars without charges being pressed.  
8.  If you're a preacher and steal money from the church, make sure you don't take that money to a strip club--you will caught.

and my personal favorite...

9.  If you can prove that your ex boyfriend caused emotional damage to you, sue him! But be prepared to  look at a lot of ink blots and talk to a lot of psychologists. 

Just a reminder: I definitely do not agree with all of these statements, in fact, I have argued with him about many of them.

Until next time, 
The Intelligent Blonde

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